My Mind vs My Heart (Part 2)

The only way to start solving a problem is being aware of the problem.

Two years after losing myself in a relationship again, I was finally waking up.

Slowly opening my eyes back to my reality…

It was painful at first. I didn’t want to face my reality,I just wanted to stay in my safety blankets.My safety blankets were giving me a lot of comfort. It ‘s like your alarm is going off but you don’t have any courage the leave your warm bed. I was right there my friend. But what if I stayed any longer? That option wasn’t even on the table. I was ready to face my fears. It was time to clear all of that fear juice has spilled to my heart, because that juice was poisonous for my precious heart.

When I started evaluating what has caused much fear in my heart, I questioned my childhood a lot, and one thing I could think off is how frequently I’ve lied to my peers.

At 13-14 years old, I found about lying. I became hooked to lying very quickly and didn’t quit for a long time.Lying was such an easy tool for me to ignore facing my peers and myself. I did that very frequently until about 21 years old. When It was the time to clean the my blocks, I wanted to teach myself how to stand in my own truth because of how much I desired the truth. I wanted to start practicing honesty more and more each day. I wanted to be honest to myself in every area of my life.

Because being honest to my self was the best gift I could give to myself at that moment.(to this day it still is.)

This time truth was the light. The light that would lead me to my unique journey and connect me back to my authentic self. If I wanted to be the most authentic version of myself, I had to stop lying to myself and to others.In the beginning of my journey, I was trying to be as accepting as possible with myself, because I didn’t want to scare myself away. Since, I was choosing to see the truth, I was trying to observe myself in every area of my life.

The first thing that got my attention was my eating habits. I was eating extremely big and unhealthy meals late nights.It was almost like I was hiding from my emotions with food.( a.k.a eating my emotions).

I decided to buy a scale. When the scale has arrived, I hopped on it with that fresh excitement of new purchase.When I saw the number on the scale, I wanted to scream. (It was almost the same feeling as taking a test and thinking you’ve done very well but you just found out that you have failed.). I didn’t believe it at first, I stepped down and back on it. I thought the scale was broken because this could’t be right! I stepped down again took all of my clothes and step back on it.

Nope, still the same weight. Now I had to fix both my honesty and my weight.

Being lost trying to decide what to do with my problems, I was walking at Barnes and Noble to find a cool reading, because I was done with the tv. While I was wondering around, this one book literally felt down from the shelve to my way. I looked at the book, and I was sold. This book was everything I needed at that time.( Still to this day , that book has always been an amazing guidance for me. I will make a blog post about the book soon.)

I started reading the book. It was giving me a lot of courage and self love I couldn’t find within me.This book clearly helped me to understand my blocks. With the help of this book, I was given a chance to look to life from a different perspective.

This new perspective was looking damn good on me. I was more positive towards myself. I wasn’t taking shit from anybody, literally no one.If somebody didn’t think I was cool enough they didn’t have to be around me. I was done living my life in that toxic circle with the people who didn’t think I was enough.

It was my time to decide If I was enough or not.

To be continued…

XOXO

The Millennial Hippie

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